Nermo

This isn’t about ideals; it’s about abbreviations.  I kind of hate myself for the title grammar, but I’d rather be awkward than wrong.  Wait, I’m not sure that’s true.

Anyway, I’m at a nerd conference and at this and other moments when I’ve worn my URL on a name tag, people ask me what Nermo means and I create an elaborate, absurd fiction.

The truth of the matter is that I found it by searching expiring web address registrations with 5 characters excluding numbers and dashes.  Let’s face it, all the real 5-letter words are taken, so I was happy to find something that looks like it could be a word.

I’m calling you all to suggest a good meaning for Nermo as an acronym. Maybe the letters N-E-R-M-O can acquire meaning actually relevant to the site.

Alright, start submitting those comments.

            

I keep seeing articles in (otherwise reputable) food blogs on the controversy of poached eggs and the difficulty of making them. It’s like arguing about how to pick your nose: anyone can figure it out and ultimately, you do it however feels best.

I find it easiest and most reliable to bring 2 inches of water to a gentle boil, add a tablespoon of vinegar, crack the eggs directly into the pot and don’t touch it again until they are done.  I’ve never had one come out badly.

            

“Rooster Sauce” is the MacGyver of condiments, the DaVinci of deliciousness, the A-Team of aliment, the Edison of esculence, and the Benjamin Franklin of foodstuffs.

Recipes in orange below.

1. Turn marinara sauce into Arrabiata (like driving through Phuket to get to Rome).
2. Whisk into mayo for a powerful sandwich spread on roast beef, pork or poultry.
3. Buffalo sauce: combine 1 part vinegar, 2 Sriracha and 3 clarified butter; toss cooked wings in pan to coat
4. Substitute for Tabasco 2:1 in any situation for improved results.
5. Ratchet up ranch dressing as dip to enliven frozen pizza, carrot sticks or bland chicken wings.
6. Serve it straight-up as dipping sauce for seafood, just like they do in Si Racha, Thailand.
7. Drizzle on fresh, grilled peaches or pineapples.
8. Wet rub: 2 bulbs roasted garlic, 1 T. salt, 2 T. Sriracha, 1 T. brown sugar, 1 T. oil, 1 t. cumin
9. Saturate with soy sauce for spicing up Asian noodle dishes or dunking potsticker dumplings.
10. Combine with ketchup and dip your tater tots.
11. Mix with mayo (for Canadians and other Europhiles) and daintily dip your pommes frites.
12. Rain Forest Fire shot: 1 teaspoon Sriracha stirred into a shot of tequila
13. Add quick heat to boring BBQ sauce when you need more acid and spice.

    

14. Hot Salt (great on the rim of a margarita or on edamame): 1 T. Sriracha mixed with 1/4 c. kosher salt, dried
15. Escape from prison (if it works for salsa…).
16. Coat leftover boxed mac’n'cheese in eggwash and breadcrumbs, pan-fry and douse in Sriracha.
17. On buttered corn on the cob (seriously spectacular).
18. Spicy Marinade: Juice of 1 lemon, 1 T. zest, 2 T. Sriracha, 3 garlic cloves, ½ c. fresh herbs, ½ cup oil, S&P
19. On top of deviled eggs instead of paprika or folded into the yolk for kick and color.
20. Make your own.
21. Add to raw ground meat when making burgers or sausage.
22. Mix into melted butter and pour over popcorn.
23. On ice cream (dark chocolate or tropical flavors).
24. Create a compound butter with Sriracha and Thai basil for cooking fish or daubing on steak.
25. Make cocktail sauce (essentially Bloody Mary paste, but so good):
    1-2 parts Sriracha, 5 parts ketchup, 1 part horseradish, celery salt, pepper and lemon juice
26. Substitute for jalapenos in a recipe if you don’t feel like slicing hot peppers.

    

27. Spice a Bloody Mary.
28. Make a Cerveza Preparada more enticing.
29. Throw together with a little mayo and chopped raw tuna to make “spicy tuna” for sushi rolls.
30. No salsa? No problem!
31. Polish copper (that’s polish, not Polish)
32. Blend into cream cheese on a bagel.
33. Feel better: add to chicken noodle soup for flavor enhancement and to clear your stuffy nose.
34. Mix with mustard on bratwurst. (34-41 suggested by Jen at seejeneat)
35. Red onion sauce (like at NY hot dog carts): sweat a large diced onion in 1 T. oil, add 2 c. water, 1/3 c. cider vinegar, 1 T. Sriracha, 3 T. tomato paste, 1 T. sugar, and simmer 45-60 minutes.
36. Chili-fy sloppy Joes.
37. Heat up hummus or other Mediteraenean food (falafel, gyro, kebab, dolmas, tzatziki, etc.)
38. Make meaner meatloaf by adding a couple tablespoons to the mix.
39. Piquant pesto: add the following, in order, to food processor with motor running: 6 garlic cloves, 1/2 c. pistachios, 1/2 c. grated Parmesan, 1/2 c. olive oil, 2 c. packed fresh basil, 1 1/2 T. soy sauce, 1T. Sriracha. Blend until smooth



40. Spice up sour cream with scallions as a dip for potato chips.
41. Maple glazed nuts: toss 6 c. nuts in 1/4 cup maple syrup, 2 T olive oil, 2 T herbes de Provence, 1 T. Sriracha, salt and pepper. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes and stir half way through.
42. Make a spicy science fair project by loading the volcano with Sriracha and baking soda.
43. Stop kids from thumb-sucking with minimal neurological damage.
44. Handjob lube for a cheating partner (44-47 via Amanda at datingismiserable).
45. Create a variation on the Russian Roulette cupcakes from Vanilla Garlic.
46. Thai Massage Parlor shot: 1 oz. bourbon, 1 oz. peach brandy, 5 drops Sriracha
47. Add to lip gloss to make your lips puff up.
48. Blistering Brine: boil 4 c. H2O, 1 c. sugar, 1.5 c. salt, 2 T. pickling spice, 2 T. pepper & 1/4 c. Sriracha; add 4 c. ice
49. Make grilled cheese that will please.
50. Create kicky vinaigrette: 1/4 c. cider vinegar, 2 t. Dijon, 1 shallot, salt & pepper, 1 T. Sriracha, 3/4 c. olive oil
51. Make Thai peanut sauce.
52. Apply liberally to eggs, any style.

I wanted to make a list of 101 uses. What do you do with Sriracha? Add more ideas in the comments section below.

            

It’s time to buy a better ice cream maker.

Here are the boozy flavors I am currently developing:

Cherry Chocolate Port: vanilla base with dried bing cherries reconstituted in port and chocolate chunks
Bloody Mary: tomato ice cream spiked with vodka and hot sauce
Driver: orange and vodka (or soju) sherbet
Mimosa: granita of orange juice and prosecco
Bicyclist: lemon beer gelato (see: Radler)
Breakfast: bourbon, maple, bacon and waffle cone bits
Blood and Sand: scotch, Cherry Heering, orange juice and sweet vermouth swirls in vanilla ice cream

Thanks to Bill B. for coming up with the name “Vice Cream” within two seconds of me asking for suggestions.

            

Generally, I just steam and serve with garlic butter, but this weekend I was inspired by a beautiful globe and a few odds and ends in my fridge that were begging to be eaten.  The recipe is for two because if you make this, you will want someone there to be impressed by it, although the recipe is easily halved.

• 2 larger globe artichokes
• 8 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 large shallots, diced (about 1 cup)
• 1 large carrot, diced (about 1 cup)
• 1 cup bread crumbs
• 1 lemon
• 4 pecans, finely diced
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/4 cup loose, shredded Parmesan Reggiano
• salt and pepper, or other seasoning mix (Old Bay or Slap Ya Mama recommended)
• 2 cloves garlic, diced

1. Lay each artichoke on its side, and cut off top 1/2 inch, taking off the majority of the prickly tips.  Cut off stems, trim off ends and peel stems with a vegetable peeler.
2. Pull out pale and purple leaves from the center and scrape out hairy chokes with a spoon, thoroughly, but careful not to remove any of the heart.
3. Steam artichokes and stems for 40 minutes or until outer leaves pull away freely.
4. Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
5. Saute shallots in oil, adding carrots for the last two minutes.  Remove pan from heat and add 4 tablespoons butter, stirring to melt.
6. Incorporate breadcrumbs, zest of the lemon and pecans, adding water as needed to achieve desired consistency.  Stir in cheese and season to taste.
7. Remove artichokes and stems from steamer.  Invert artichokes on a kitchen towel to remove excess water.  Dice stems and add to stuffing mix.
8. Loosely pack stuffing into artichoke cavities, then spread out leaves and sprinkle remaining stuffing between them.
9. Bake 15 minutes.
10. While baking, combine remaining butter and garlic in a small pan and boil the garlic in butter, skimming solids that rise to the surface.  Remove from heat, add the juice of the lemon and whisk to incorporate.
11. Serve artichokes with lemon garlic butter on the side for dipping and an additional plate for discarded leaves.

            

Just because you are on a budget, doesn’t mean you need to drink bad wine. OK, that was tacky.  If I ever write  like Rachel Ray again, please find me and slit my throat.  I’m not a connoisseur, but my pedestrian palate knows what I like and what I don’t and generally, people agree, so here are a few gems I’ve encountered of late.  The first three are from Sonoma Valley and the last is Argentinian.

Taft Street in Sebastopol is one of my new favorite wineries.  I’ve heard that their wines haven’t been the greatest in past years, but when I was up there a few weeks ago, I was blown out of the water by their Riesling, Sav Blanc and Pinot Noir, and as much as I hate to admit it, the Rosé of Pinot Noir was really enjoyable too.  All of their bottles run in the $16-22 range, making Taft Street a steal.  The tasting room is small but homey and Greg was engaging in how he guided our tasting, not to mention an all-around fun and interesting guy.  We walked in as a group of five including one member of their wine club, and departed three members stronger (all four joined really, considering that the 4th is marrying one of the new members).  Greg invited us and friends back for a barbecue next weekend, if anyone wants to be my designated driver on the 16th.

Gloria Ferrer does fantastic sparkling wines at the $20 price point (often on special at Safeway and with case discounts, I’ve bought it for $12 a bottle).  The Brut is fine and I see it around more often, but the Blanc de Noirs is totally tantalizing and tinted pink without being one of those sissy-looking sparkling rosés (which I secretly have begun to enjoy).  Worth popping for a celebration, but not so precious that you can’t dump it into mimosas.

Rosenblum must be clearing out their cellar of 2005 North Coast Zinfandel, Appellation Series because I don’t see it listed online, but here’s a link to the 2006 vintage.  I loved it enough to be shocked by the price.  I just picked up a case at their tasting room for about a hundred bucks, making it an $8 bottle of delight!

Colores Del Sol only makes one wine, and the 2008 Reserva Malbec is their first vintage, but they hit on a winner.  It was introduced to me on a recent trip to Sonoma, despite being an Argentinian wine.  After dinner, TSB thrust a glass under my nose, chanting, “Smell it! Barbecue ribs, right?” and I absconded with the bottle after my first sip.  I just found it at BevMo for 10 bucks a bottle.

            

I’ve been scheming and testing out recipes for my forthcoming “50 Uses For Sriracha” list and this weekend, I decided to follow in the footsteps of George Thorogood, so I drank alone, mixing and sampling some Sriracha cocktails.  A hot shot is a good start to any weekend, in Bangkok or sitting alone in the darkest corner of my living room.

Thai Massage Parlor:

• 1 ounce bourbon
• 1 ounce peach brandy
• 5 drops Sriracha

Shake with ice and serve in a shot glass beside a 24-oz. can of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Thanks to Amanda for the suggestion.

            

I found a bag of tiny shrimp while cleaning out my freezer and decided I should eat them now or put them to rest.

Thinking of the “50 Uses For Sriracha” list that I am compiling,  I reconsidered the cocktail sauce my father taught me to make as a kid.

You may notice that this interpretation is essentially a Bloody Mary paste, making the term “cocktail sauce” doubly relevant, and also delectable.

Cocktail Sauce:

• 1-2 tablespoons Sriracha
• 5 tablespoons ketchup
• 1 tablespoon horseradish
• 1/4 teaspoon celery salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• juice of 1/4 lemon
  

Combine all ingredients

            

The featured ingredient in this cocktail is Cherry Heering, hence the name.  Heering is a smooth and not-too-sweet liqueur; the original cherry brandy as developed by Dane Peter Heering in 1818.

I was just going to call it Happy Fish, but I wasn’t sure that would be enough info to get the joke, so now I am over-explaining it.  Meh, I can’t win.

• 1 ounce bourbon
• 1/2 ounce Cherry Heering
• 1/2 ounce sweet vermouth
• 1 ounce grapefruit juice

Shake with ice and serve up, garnished with a Swedish Fish

Note: Swedish fish candies are made to resemble herring and a red herring (like this one I drew) refers to irrelevant information given to distract someone from the main issue, rooted in an old superstition that when travelling, one could keep predators off one’s trail by dragging a red herring back and forth across the path.

            

Pondering my “50 Uses for Sriracha” list, which I hope to post soon, I devised a Sriracha salt that would be delightful if sprinkled over edamame, served with a cheese plate, dusted on caramel desserts, and of course, on the rim of a margarita.  I concocted this cocktail for TSB a few weeks ago, when she offered to make dinner if I provided the watermelon margaritas.  The only melons I could procure were honeydew, but we were pleasantly surprised by the results.  Best to make the salt a day ahead to ensure ample drying time.

Sriracha Salt

1 tablespoon Sriracha
1/4 cup kosher salt

Mix Sriracha and salt until uniform in color and consistency.
Spread as thinly as possible and allow to dry overnight.

Melon Margarita

1 ounce honeydew, pureed
1-1.5  ounces silver tequila
1 ounce triple sec
3/4 ounce lime juice
1/2 ounce agave nectar

Combine all ingredients, shake with ice and serve in salt-rimmed glass.