I just finished leftovers from a vat of crab and asparagus soup I ordered at Tu Lan, the diviest, cheapest and most delicious Vietnamese restaurant in San Francisco.

The stuff has properties unlike any substance I have ever encountered (think Bose Einstein Condensate as a non-Newtonian fluid).  When I order this soup, I leave not when full, but when I’m weary. They should spread this concoction on the space shuttle tiles because it must be the best insulator in the universe. It takes quite a while just to get it up to temperature, and it NEVER COOLS DOWN.

It’s wicked viscous too. Not only does it blister the roof of my mouth but it sticks. It would probably make a good alternative to napalm or boiling oil should you ever need to engage in a land war in Asia or protect your castle from the parapets. Those villagers would never see it coming.