Nermo

I just registered for thing-a-day 2009, the challenge to create one new “thing” every day for the month of February and post it on the site. The concept grew out of an assignment from a class taught by Ze Frank at NYU early in the millenium that was resurrected by some of the students in the class in 2007.  Neil just reminded me, so I can sign up on time for once.

I can’t quite tell what counts as a “thing” since the site is more or less down right now.  Anyone know the rules? So far, I am stock-piling ideas including food, sake, beer, infused booze, photos, videos, animation, book arts projects (I’m taking a class), silkscreen t-shirts, drawings, a crossword puzzle, furniture, picture frames, a party, a case for my new netbook (grey flannel maybe), a bacon-porn website, a shiny wood-veneer shell for my netbook, a coat rack, a bomb (just kidding), and trouble (does making trouble count?).

You can find my posts by clicking Quinn on the Participants page or just by clicking my linked name on this line.

What else should I make?

Food Porn!  All I’ve heard about for the past year are the sinful delights of pork and it’s many unconventional uses, so of course everyone seems to be calling bacon “soooo last year,” but if bacon can be wrong, then Baby, I don’t want to be right!

Always ahead of the culinary curve, I’ve been making bacon fat ginger snaps for years (OK, and all of Sweden has been making them for hundreds of years).  I’m a good little environmentalist, saving my drippings in a can to use in cooking and I’m a big fan of wrapping wholesome foods in bacon and grilling them.

My only fear is the looming threat of bacon fatigue, so I’m testing your endurance. Here’s a dozen links to bacon-related art, products, events, and other plural nouns.

I’m exhausted and this is only a drop in the bucket.  I can’t do it all in one little post, and I don’t want you all to burn out on sheer porcine glory all at once.  I might need to launch my own bacon porn site!
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Note: The title is a joke in poor taste that only the web-savvy and perverse would get immediately, but pr0n is a term for adult material that aficionados use to circumvent filters which weed out things containing the word p-o-r-n, so they juxtapose the interior letters and replace the o with the numeral zero.  I’ve done the same, but with pork. Get it?

TSB hosts the occasional Iron Chef-type events.  The outcome is phenomenal in terms of mirth and quality food produced, but it’s a lot of work, a lot of food and a lot of mess.   Nobody in San Francisco has a big enough kitchen for five people to cook simultaneously, so everyone preps at home and then all frantically try to put on the finishing touches at the party.  It’s a full-contact sport in that kitchen.

As an alternative, I’d like to host Iron Mixologist.  Despite infinite variations, here’s the format I propose.

The Host: announces a brand of booze one-week prior to the event (better than giving an advantage to those who can afford top-shelf), and provides enough (see note) of the chosen spirit for everyone to use, as well as a standard set of bartending tools.

Mixologists: each makes one cocktail on-site, and brings any mixers, other ingredients or special tools for his or her own recipe.  Each should also bring a written copy of their recipe for the host to post on blog.nermo.com after the event.

Judges: score each cocktail on flavor (10 possible points), presentation (5) and creativity/use of ingredient/ that certain je ne sais quoi (5).  Any tie is settled by a Classic Cocktail Sudden Death.  The host names a classic cocktail and its ingredients, but no measurements and the bartenders compete to make the best.  Judges vote by Australian ballot for their favorite replication.

Guests: should bring beer or snacks to share.

Note: a standard 750ml bottle of spirits makes about 17 drinks (39 drinks from a 1.75 liter “handle”).  Assuming a party of 15-20, including 5 mixologists and 5 judges, each contestant should make a batch of 10 drinks, one for each judge and five to be shared by guests, and so the host should have at least 3 bottles, which would be enough for 51 cocktails. If you are cutting it that close, the host should specify recipes to be based on 1.5 oz of the selected spirit.

Afterthought: based on the first 3 comments, judginng needs to come with a cost.  Should each judge bring a bottle of the featured liquor? Is there a better alternative? What should the first featured liquor be?

My mother doesn’t read my blog.

We check in over the phone most Sunday afternoons to catch up on each other’s lives, and I always need to remember to tell her the things I normally don’t mention to people I am close to, because I’ve already written about them.  I intentionally keep the content of my blog free from profanity and perversity under the assumption that my mother will eventually read it.

When I mentioned all this to her, she said she is far to busy at work to read and at home she never goes on the computer.  I teased that I could print the whole thing out and mail it to her and she told me that was a lovely idea.  I mentioned the environmental impacts and she encouraged me to use recycled paper.  I opted not to explore the carbon footprint implications of mailing something from coast-to-coast.  Maybe I will just convert this into a blog about porn and foul language.

Dear Mom,

I hope this has shamed you into at least skimming my blog occasionally.  The next step is to post a comment.  Click on “comments” at the bottom of this or any post.  Fill in your name and email address (Don’t worry; nobody but me can see your email) and then write something nice. Then click “submit comment.” My 5 readers and I will all hold our breath until we see a comment posted by you.

Love,

Your son

As I tried to explain the beer brewing process to TSB a few weeks ago, I remembered that she is more of a kinesthetic and visual learner, and not so much auditory.  I knew she’d get it once she tried it, but since she asked me to give her the gist in advance, I drew it on a napkin for her.

Unsalted butter: use while cooking. Add salt as appropriate.

Salted butter: leave on the table for your baked potatoes and pancakes.

— End —

The French have their roux and mirepoix,but so many other nations and regions have their own flavor-packed base pastes kept on hand to add bold flavors to soups, stews, stir-fries, sauces, and even dishes that don’t start with “s.”

Here’s an not-so-comprehensive list of recipe links.  What else should I add?

Asia

Basa Genep (Bali)
Indian Curry Paste (India)
Massaman Curry Paste (Thailand)
Red Thai Curry Paste (Thailand)
Green Thai Curry Paste (Thailand)
Yellow Thai Curry Paste (Thailand)
Sambal Bajag (Indonesia)
Base Gede (Indonesia)

Africa

Berbere (Ethiopia)
Harissa (North Africa)

Europe

Battuto (Italy)

Caribbean

Sofrito (Puerto Rico)

Day one at the Fancy Food Show, cruising the aisles for interesting, new and outrageous specimens, I speared a blue cheese stuffed olive and  popped it in my mouth.

Despite expecting nothing shy of rapture, I couldn’t swallow the fetid thing. Hearkening back to the oil-slicked martini wherein I first experienced that precious, pungent, briney gem, I was sorely disappointed.  But filled olives were in heavy rotation on the convention center floor, so I set out on my quest.

I wish I could say that I rediscovered the joy that I found in that cocktail years ago, but alas it was not so. The blue cheese stuffed olives I sampled are listed from best to worst, but I’m still searching.

• Santa Barbara Olive Company: The olive nearly overpowers the cheese, but the filling is authentic, albeit weak in flavor, and has a bit of tooth to it, unlike every other one on the list.
• Miss Leone’s: pleasantly tangy with a bit of a spicy bite to the olive, but the filling is the consistency of whipped cream.  If I want blue cheese foam, I’ll go to wd-50 or Alinea.
• Mezzetta Napa Valley Bistro: Balanced flavor but kinda bland and the whipped cream filling was a little gritty.
• Delallo: Gray cheese; tastes like a cheap pickle.
• Silver Palate Kitchens:  The label says it comes from New Jersey and the flavor confirms it.  There was hardly any bad faux cheese in the middle but I’m not sure if that made it better or worse.
• Barhyte: Completely out of blue cheese stuffed samples early on the second day, but claiming to have the best.  If they had the best, they would have opened another jar to prove it to me and end my quest.

(Note:  All I can say about Divina‘s is that they don’t taste good after a mint.  My mistake.)

The most amusing booth at the Fancy Food Show and the most disturbing news item of the day involve tacos, and leave me with two questions for you.

Dan, The Lucky Taco Salesman

Lucky Taco is the Mexican equivalent of a fortune cookie. That is to say, it’s as Mexican as a fortune cookie (invented in San Francisco) is Chinese.  Fruit favored cookie wafers folded over a fortune, they taste like my memories of  Fruit Loops.  We’ll do an SAT-style analogy, because just looking at the picture below would be too easy “cookie wafer : fortune :: tortilla : meat and cheese”  There, get it?  If not, look at the picture. It’s really just a fruity fortune cookie with one less fold.  Here’s another analogy regarding technical complexity,  “fortune cookie : origami :: Lucky Taco : folding a piece of paper in half.”  I hope this clarifies everything for you.

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Pathetic Loser

According to his local Fox Affiliate, This smug little SOB brat hit his mother in the face with a taco while she cleaned the kitchen because she unplugged his video game after repeatedly calling him to dinner, which she had graciously prepared, while the boy wasted his life in his room rather than getting a job or going to school.

Question 1: Would you welcome a Lucky Taco at the end of a Mexican meal, if your server dropped off the check with a colorful cookie?

Question 2: Are you reconsidering the validity of corporal punishment, because I sure am. Somebody needs a good caning.

On Sunday I performed a whirlwind sweep of the convention center in the last two hours of the day, but today I endeavored a little deeper with a few people and products.  Each of the following photos deserves an entry of it’s own, and they are forthcoming, but for now, the photo montage must suffice, because I need to get up early to watch the inauguration with friends and cocktails in the Financial District.